que sera sera...

i've been wrestling with some insecurities lately (just lately?!?! seems like i have my entire life but anyway..). sorted a few things out and my mind is quiet... for now. reflected back on a hard lesson i learned during a psych placement in school. change the way you think, you'll change the way you feel. after being emotionally torn apart in front of 5 of my fellow students, i was humiliated and furious. but after all the personal bullshit i dealt with, i thought about it and put it into practice. as a result i really feel that a lot of my own personal growth in the last few years has come out of that change. for 3 1/2 years i was really unhappy with myself and my situation (dodged a bullet on that one... hahaha thanks em). so i changed the way i saw and thought about things and subsequently felt better about myself and started taking responsibility for my own happiness. it was really fucking hard to break those habits but usually the most difficult things are worth doing the most.

back to my original point... with all this moving business, starting a new job etc... i've lost sight of stepping back, taking a big breath and thinking about things rationally. i hate being a woman sometimes... all those hormones floating around clouding your judgement... hahaha.. i kid i kid.
it's all about taking responsibility for yourself... no excuses. no one to blame but yourself.

on another note, i found a bunch of pictures of when ben visited us in ottawa around christmas last year... a night i remember so vividly. quite a few people i love were in the same shitty bar... lots of drinks, shots and a helluva lot of laughs. christine caught me in a typical jess pose... big laugh and a crooked smile.