dial up is excruciating.

merry christmas, happy kwanzaa, happy hanukah... whatever you celebrate... i hope it was a good one.

mine definitely was... i flew home after a hectic night shift at work and arrived to lots of family, turkey and wine. minimal sleep... not a problem. got spoiled on boxing day with lots of skin, csi reruns and cheesecake in bed. little things that make the waiting worth it.

got to see dave and robyn in good old shitby... and a few of the algonquin crew. went to a punk rock show that should have been at the dungeon and i should have been 16. also... suburbia scares me. for real... its terrifying. give me country or real city... you will never catch me living in a cookie cutter home with an SUV and two kids playing on an 8x8 "lawn". EVER. it was nice to see them though... whereever they might be. speaking of... i may have planted some seeds about moving west... north bay blows.

heading to ottawa tomorrow for a few days... hopefully see some of my peoples i've been missing, partcipate in some zaphod dance partying and fingers crossed for wednesday night girls night... christine you better not be in PEI....seriously i need flat beer and wings... 2.50 bar rail, slutty dancing with 18 year olds at the pier and perv's row at barefax. do it.

and now back to what i've been doing for pretty much the entire time i've been home... watching movies and eating.

xo

almost there!

so its been a while...

i managed to get super sick while i was waiting to go to the orthopedic surgeon appointment. 4 days of fever, not sleeping or eating. i was half delirious when i made it to my actual appointment.  and it went just as any interaction with an orthopod goes... he asks a few questions, ignores your answers and then judges you based on what your x-ray looks like. turns out my fracture is actually a bone fragment that's clicking and moving around. he also told me that it takes up to a year to fully heal a separated shoulder nevermind being complicated with a fracture. if in 2-3 months nothing has improved then we'll talk about surgery until then he won't touch me. typical. that's what i've been getting from pretty much everyone lately...

so aside from that.. i went back to work today... so excited. it's amazing how much you look forward to going to work when you're forced to stay home. 

anyway.... another day and 2 nights and then i'm outta here!!!! back home to ontario for the first time since i left in august. 

so stoked. 

seriously. 

even got a ride to the airport after work tuesday morning... zing!

feeling better?

just a couple quick things:

• go watch the movie Sicko. it's an awesome film about the disgusting travesty that is the american health care system or rather... lack thereof. i was in tears by the end of it. despite all the medical shit i've been going through lately i'm pretty damn glad that i'm not going to have a $60,000 bill at the end of it. it makes you realize how fortunate we are to have "free" healthcare regardless of race, socioeconomic status, insurance, pre-existing health conditions. even though there are quirks and downfalls of our system... it's a helluva lot better that what they have down there.  
  
• i've finally found an explanation for why men are so fucked up.... hahah just kidding. apparently there are structural differences between our brains which affects the way we think and feel and totally explains why men think about sex all the time and why women are waaaay better at multitasking.
• might be heading back to work on friday... fingers crossed for a day or two at least until the orthopod decides my fate. hahaha. 
• getting stoked to go home... i've got most of my christmas shopping done... one last gift and i'll be done for good. (i'm super impressed with myself by the way because i'm usually finishing on boxing day. haahah.)
• does anybody remember my post about the Safe Injection Site and ottawa pulling the safe kit program? found this in the newspaper... so heads up kids... don't share your crack pipes. DUH.
• annnnd last one... since i've been following this case for a while... and it's pretty Vancouver relevant... Robert Pickton was sentenced to 25 years with no chance of parole. thank jebus. 

for brendan. 

sorry i couldn't make it kid. 

i miss your face. 

now i'll leave you with my favourite song from an album that i always forget that i love.  how? don't ask. it's me we're talking about. 

quickie

just a quick little update cause i'm feeling lazy tonight... not that i really did anything life altering today... whatever. 

so as of this moment i'm off work indefinitely due to a little incident that tweaked my shoulder. i need a doctor's clearance/stipulations before i can go back. i have mixed feelings about this because a) all that free time "resting" and "healing" is daunting and i get panicky just thinking about not doing anything for long periods of time 

b) i need the money

c) now i'm involved with workman's comp which if bc is anything like ontario it's going to be a helluva lot of paperwork and useless dicking around 

but

d) there's a possibility of going home early 

e) having more than 3 days off in a row isn't so bad... it's when i hit the 4 day mark i get restless

f) there's a possibility i might head down to santa barbara for a few days to hangout... matty and kyle are finally (hahah) going to visit brendan and benny's heading down for a few days so i might join him and feed my need to disappear from the city.

anyway.. tomorrow i have to call and figure out what the hell is the whole process of me being off and going back to work and shit.  

tuesday i've got a massage therapy appointment... thank god because i'm starting to get shooting pain down my left arm... hoping it's not the beginning of this.

wednesday more xrays probably and then fingers crossed hoping on a plane south.

i'll let you know. 

oh ps. just caught the end of the muchmusic "countdown" that had the 2 worst songs by the 2 worst bands i've ever heard as the top 2... hedley and that soulja boy shit. fuck. yes... i'm hating.

love notes

my friend calla makes me look pretty. i love her lots and was fortunate to see her (and her momma!) in ottawa before i left. this pic is from a set taken in april 2006.




had a busy day at work today... but somehow a few beers and some good laughs makes things that much better.

;)

back door

two days in a row.

looking back...

awake and alone... exhausted but my body is still on night shift time. flipping through my old suicidegirls journals, reminiscing in the spaces between. thinking about the last year of my life... where i've been, where i've come from and the patterns i keep finding in my behaviour and feelings. reliving certain days/nights that have wedged themselves in my memory.

it snowed today... reminded me that this time last year on a night like this, cara and i would be in her bed, blankets up to our chins, wearing toques, cradling hot water bottles to keep warm. smoking joints with mittens on and watching downloaded tv shows on her computer. homemade soups, cups of tea and dessert toast.

cut to january... visiting one of my best friends in santa barbara, drinking beer, playing darts, some old man bought me flowers because i was the only girl in the bar... road trippin down to LA and San Diego... skip to april... visiting my sister in halifax and the idiocy that ensued at peggy's cover and hurting myself.... may.. moving again.. turning 25... and then summer... summer was a whirlwind that left my head spinning... always on the move... living out of my backpack and once for a few days.. out of my purse.

i don't really know where i'm going with this... maybe i'm wishing that i could get back a few things that i lost along the way and maybe i should stop dwelling on what was and focus on what is and what could be. sometimes though.. the loneliness is overwhelming.

its that time of year....


my hands are aching, cracking and bleeding and my cat is kneading my chest... guess that means its time for bed. better go put on the kettle for that hot water bottle...