been writing a lot lately. turning to it again as a form of therapy. a non-judgemental place to shout, scream, whisper without any ears. sometimes its a warm place and sometimes its lonely and desolate but always there and consistant. and these days where the only constant is change it's welcomed.

i received a comment on the stalkbook today that said "you haven't seen me in years jess, things change". my heart almost broke in half. on the surface.. ya.. this is a given. things change, but the fact that i hadn't seen this person in years isn't. i used to see this person almost everyday. him and a dozen other people who i miss dearly and again.. haven't seen in years. i worked at a music store in shitty brantford on and off for about 4 years. a job that was a weird hybrid between the high fidelity boredom and empire records randomness.

i did the second coat in the kitchen today, sifted through my cds and one caught my eye. my former sunrise colleague now christian pastor friend made me a few cds. his neat capital letter writing catching my eye. a band that he introduced me to and that i will forever associate with him. a double hit this evening in tune with the comment made earlier. it made me miss my wild child nat (jeff buckley makeouts and funny smoke in your van) and her equally wild child sister de, alicia and our wednesday night master pita halvsies (extra alfalfa on my side no sauce on hers), van eck and his balls chillin on the ticketmaster counter (where is this kid???), my reg (always mine despite what your girlfriend says), paz, kristiandavid (fuck fountains of wayne) and KWD my sexual hero (some of my favourite memories involve red wine, johnny's smoke and sitting crossed legged on your floor). i know you don't read this but no matter where you are my friends... you are in my heart always.

i made a new friend tonight. she's 4 and 1/2 and is autistic. she's one of the two kids who live upstairs. we played on the trampoline together. she called me ramone (a penguin on happy feet?) and giggled uncontrollably as i held her hands and bounced her. i hope one day she lets me take a picture of her... with stark white skin, dark hair, a few freckles and eyes just as blue grey as mine are. our first meeting was one full of tears (hers) and then she danced on the lawn and asked me if i wanted to play. and i did. sipping on a corona her dad gave me, bouncing and laughing at nonsense. what a lovely afternoon.