silence is golden...

Months ago...


Rhythmic footsteps flow seamlessly from a brain on autopilot. I'm glad they know which way is home. I realized today one of the reasons why there's so much static in my head. After being away from the bedside for almost 4 weeks, I became very aware of the hum of the electrical equipment - vents, pumps, monitors, suction... all with their own distinct frequency. All that combined with the puff of mechanical breaths, vent alarms, monitor alarms, infusing intravenous, clicks of the feeding pumps... all melting into an incredible white noise that will always remain.

Today on my journey home I had a beautiful moment of stillness. Silent and completely devoid of that electric hum that permeates my brain. It was on the bus... the perfect time in the morning where no one talks... where there's this unspoken rule to maintain an absence of conversation. It came as a surprise but it was deafening when it did. It felt like what I'd imagine terminal velocity to feel like. Sudden... but time stops: no sound, no movement, nothing. Eyes closed... savouring that single instant. It takes your breath away. And just as suddenly as it happened... the bus jerked back into gear and jerked me back to reality. Killing that second of perfect and utter silence that was audible and tangible. Profound and serene.


Days ago...

SItting on a cool rock in the warm sun... overlooking the sailboats in English Bay.. with only the company of a couple grey herons; a tall can of beer and the occasional straggler wandering off the beaten path. There's something very settling about the quiet lapping of the waves... pulling the tide out uncovering hidden treasures for the casual grazers. Tiny crabs and shells, bits of seaweed; glass with edges smoothed by the sea... nature's little gifts for those who wander with their eyes to the ground searching for something extraordinary. Gentle whispers from people further down the beach... infrequent barks from dogs playing in the water trying to cool off. There's no white noise out here... no electrical hum that endlessly fills my head. Only a light breeze coming off the ocean to break up the heat and toss my hair. My grey heron takes off on soundless wings... I guess its time to go.